Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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