You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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