she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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