We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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