Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
