Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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