please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
