i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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