Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
