just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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