I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
