what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
