From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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