you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
