I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just cut my nipple shaving
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
