I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
