I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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