ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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