Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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