Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
