I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize