I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
