Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
