I haven't been this sober since birth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Houston, we have a blender
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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