Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
