I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
