he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
