peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
