Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
