her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We got so high we made milksteak
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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