Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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