my vag is so smooth its legendary
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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