I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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