**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
