I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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