Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
