we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize