PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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