wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
