He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
