Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
