He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
