Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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