It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
