My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
