Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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