he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
