I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
