I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
