just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
