Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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