I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
