I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
