just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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