Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
