Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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