I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
