My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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