my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
