I have demons in me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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