Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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