Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think my tv is drunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
