so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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