Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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