My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
