addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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