Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
