i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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